I love to write.
Like, the kind of love that puts you at ease and reminds you who you are. Give me some melancholy alternative music, a coffee, a warm sweater, and my computer and I’m in my happy place. Throw in a rainy day and a seat by the window and I might just cry tears of joy.
So why then is it so hard to get anything worthwhile out of my head and onto the page (or screen) a lot of time?
I think writing is an interesting art form in that, at least for me, the ability to create has little to do with my affection toward writing and much to do with everything else going on in my life.
When I’m happy I want to share it in the best way I know how: writing. And when I’m upset I want to get it all out and make sense of the situation, so I crave a writing session. But anything in between, which let’s be honest is a large majority of the time, it’s hard to find the words. The inspiration doesn’t consume me, either in a wave of joy or the gripping pain of sadness or frustration, so the words don’t flow as easily. Instead it feels like pulling, tugging, begging and pleading for a moment, just a glimpse, of creativity. During those times, when the words fail me, writing becomes an almost painful process. The thing I love isn’t fun. It’s something I must begrudgingly and dutifully do.
Hence, my poor blog’s bouts of loneliness. I’m either lacking that craving and hunger for writing, or I use my free time to put my brain to sleep (aka watch crappy TV).
But I realized the other day that if I wait for those times of extreme emotion I limit my opportunities to grow as a writer. Yes, writing when I’m in an apathetic state of mind means that half of what is left on the page may be worthless, but at least I put something on the page. At least I made an attempt and pushed past the drudgery. And the beauty of a blog is that you’re not required to hit “publish” at the end of each post. Then, on the other hand, who knows? I could end up creating some brilliant things in that lukewarm space.
So, all that being said, my goal is to be a more consistent writer. That doesn’t mean that every blog post is going to be polished, compelling literary work. Some days my posts may just end up being Kiara’s Stream of Consciousness (that’s kinda what this is turning into if we’re being honest), but hey! I always said the goal of any blog I wrote was to be real, to be honest and to be true to who I am. So that’s what you get – my thoughts, raw and uncut.