What If…

What if.

Two words that carry a lot of weight.

What if I take this new job – with the big title and the bigger responsibilities – and I fail?

What if I fully devote myself to writing and creativity and people don’t want to hear the stories I have to tell?

What if I, finally, dive deep into photography and I’m horrible – actually cringeworthily horrible?

What if I say no to a date with this man and no one else comes along?

What if I chase the adventure I’ve been dreaming of all these years and it doesn’t work out and I have to come crawling back home?

What if I make the wrong call?

What if?

But…

What if I hadn’t moved to Chicago when people thought I was crazy for doing so, when I chose to quit my security to relocate to a place where I had none?

What if I hadn’t decided to study abroad my senior year of college, when I gave up what little time I had left with my group of friends for a new set and different memories?

What if I hadn’t said yes to three girls who invited me into community, when I decided to ignore the voices telling me I was too old to live with so many roommates?

What if I’d made the wrong call? Sure.

But what if I hadn’t made a call at all?

I’d be left with that sinking, sickening feeling that comes with wondering and wanting to know…

I don’t want to be a wavering woman, one who procrastinates until the decision has been made for her, one who looks back and wishes she’d had the courage to step out in faith?

No, I want to have the fortitude to boldly move forward when I come to those forks in the road.

I want to be old and grey with a few wrinkles – just enough to show wisdom – and I want to look back at my life with a sense of thank goodness.

Thank goodness I took risks and didn’t let fear get in the way.

Thank goodness I persevered and refused to let circumstances hold me back.

Thank goodness…

Thank goodness I don’t have to wonder, what if.  

5 Comments Add yours

  1. Lisa says:

    I love reading your writing and it always touches deep parts of my life! I spend quite a bit of time thinking about what you write, after I read it.Thank you for sharing so deeply. That takes courage!
    Love, prayers, and thanks.

    Like

    1. Thanks, Lisa. Much love!

      Like

  2. Emerson says:

    Always thrilled to read what’s on your heart.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Elana says:

      Keep up the great writing, so proud of you and appreciative of you sharing. It helps us all know that our What ifs are normal….
      Love Love

      Like

  3. Elana says:

    Hey Kiara,
    Keep up the great writing, so proud of you and appreciative of you sharing. It helps us all know that our What its are normal….NEVER STOP WRITING!!
    Love Love

    Like

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